Learn Five Conversational “Don’ts” to Improve Your Job Experience

SIGN UP TODAY to receive a monthly career tips newsletter!

The Effects of “Good” and “Bad” Faith Conversations

You could find an infinite number of opinions on the subject of conversations. The setting (home, workplace, party, family gathering, etc.) involves constant conversation and reactions resulting there from. Workplace conversations between you and your co-workers, customers, supervisors, vendors, and everyone else can have a distinct impact on your daily job experience and, sometimes, future career with your employer.

Regardless of the subject matter, all conversations can be reduced to the "good" or "bad" classification. Here are some examples to help you identify the difference.

Good Faith or Positive Conversations:

• Both people work to resolve the problem or clarify the issue being discussed.
• The parties strive for a solution, not a win-lose result.
• Neither party uses negative phrases (except when necessary for emphasis) to state their position nor make their points.

Bad Faith or Unproductive Conversations:

• One or both parties tend to use “accusatory” phrasing. “You never . . .” “You always . . .” “Why do you choose to . . .” are some examples of bad faith conversation beginnings.
• One or both parties express frustration generated from issues or feelings other than truly addressing the subject at hand.
• If underlying bad feelings are involved, one or both parties may begin the conversation as one of good faith and, gradually or abruptly, move it to an unproductive session.

As you can imagine, the effects will then be favorable or unfavorable, depending on the nature of the conversation. In this case, the theoretical situation (in which you may have little interest) is very important to you on a daily basis while you’re at your workplace. Simple repetitive conversations can affect your workplace performance, career development, and sometimes even promotion opportunities.
Should you develop the habit of conducting bad faith conversations, even without realizing it, others (including co-workers and management) may notice and have an unfavorable reaction. In time, your workplace performance and enjoyment may be affected, sometimes seriously.

Five Conversational “Don’ts” to Avoid at the Workplace (and Anywhere Else, If Possible)
Here are some conversational “don’ts” to avoid as they usually indicate or lead to bad faith conversations which are always unproductive and can lead to workplace conflict.

• The “accusatory” statement. Reject all statements (or questions) that appear to be focused, but really hide or bury the true feelings of the person speaking. Often, these comments initially sound as though they were issue-oriented, but the speaker or listener moves the focus to personal or accusatory phrasing.
  
  
• The “sympathy” statement. This bad faith technique is often perfected by your children. “All my friends can stay out until 11:00.” “Everyone does . . ., why can’t I?” While many adults are immune to this tactic, many others still use it in the workplace.
  
  
• The “you do it, too” statement. Common among adults in personal situations, this counterproductive statement can bring a cloud over the workplace. For example, “Why are you complaining, you do the same thing every day.” Statements like this are obviously unproductive and often move the focus from issues to personal conflict.
  
  
• The “change the words in place of evidence” statement. This is a common conversational technique that quickly becomes transparent and useless in the workplace. The speaker, lacking a valid base for his/her position, simply changes words in the conversation to attempt to prove his/her point without valid evidence or facts. Listeners are almost never convinced and end the conversation in an unhappy or agitated state.
  
  
• The oft-used “it’s just common sense” statement. Similar to the conversational "don’t" above, speakers will use this statement as justification for their position, often having no facts or evidence for their opinion. This classic bad faith statement is often more destructive than the type noted above because it actually demeans the listener, inferring that the listener is somehow deficient and has little common sense.

These conversations seldom start out as confrontational, yet they often transition to workplace conflict or at least produce negative results that hurt performance and job enjoyment for both (or all) parties involved. However, there are more serious career consequences that sometimes occur.

• Bad conversational habits develop. When isolated, bad faith conversation is a temporary negative. Longer term, repeating bad faith conversations can take a toll on your performance, your image, and your promotional opportunities.
  
  
• Team chemistry problems develop. It may become difficult to perform well with one or more co-workers who consistently have these conversations, even if you are not a participant.
  
  
• Managers become upset and/or frustrated with their staff. These conversational "don’ts" can become very annoying to your supervisor. If you are a participant, this issue could affect your long-term employment options.

Be aware that seemingly meaningless conversations that are made in bad faith can, over time, negatively affect your workplace enjoyment and sometimes your career path. Stick to issues, be positive, and maintain a consistent image of professionalism and motivation.